Warning Label

So Rosie is at Oberlin, and she is hosting her first prospective student, or "prospie." Apparently hosts are given a few rules, such as:

• Do not give drugs to your prospie (no matter how much they beg you)
• Do not have sex with your prospie (no matter how much they beg you)
• Do not have sex with someone else in close proximity to your prospie

"Rose," I moaned, "they have to tell you that?"

"Well," Rosie mused, "apparently some prospies come to visit wanting the whole college experience..."

Now, did they have to warn the hosts about those forbidden actions in the mode of stating the obvious, like the WARNING - FLAMMABLE notice that they put on gas cans? Or are these warnings in reaction to prior events, like the admonition on the label for the frozen pizza that says "be sure to remove the cardboard from the bottom of the pizza before placing in oven," since anyone could get distracted and forget that step, and in fact lots of people probably have forgotten that step, and by forgetting that step they have created a situation which would result in the smoke alarms going off and their children laughing at them and never, ever forgetting that one little mistake...

Where was I? Oh, right, I wonder if these warnings should have a name, like, say, the "Pete Campbell Subset of Rules," in honor of that one overly hospitable host student...

Anyway, Rosie says that right now her worst problem is that "everyone in Asia House seems to go poop right when I'm brushing my teeth!"

"Sweetie," I gagged, "get yourself a spit cup. Honestly, that's too disgusting to contemplate."

"No," Rosie said, "no spit cup. For now, I'll just suck it up."

I had to disconnect the Skype because I have too active an imagination. The best thing about not being in college is that in your house, in your bathroom, the only poop you have to smell is your own.