About a month and a half ago I got a notice from the IRS that they had not received my 2002 taxes; could I please send them in? This was worrisome, since I had, counter to my usual dilatory and disorganized behavior, actually filed my 2002 taxes. What could be going on? I reacted like a prey animal under threat, but not the kind that runs. Rather, I balled up in a corner and hoped not to be noticed. Maybe they would go away.
A week ago I got another letter from the IRS, and panicked. I took the letter to work with me all week, but never opened it until Saturday. Then I almost laughed with relief. I owed them $96.45 on my 2002 taxes; could I send a check?
I mentioned to my daughter that within two weeks the IRS had lost and then found my taxes. Perhaps they have a paperwork tracking system like my own?
Right, she said. Maybe they have a large china cabinet, and when company is coming they sweep all of the papers off of the dining room table and jam them into the cabinet and force the doors shut, ensuring that they will subsequently be unable to find anything for at least two weeks.
I hadn’t meant to carry the metaphor that far, but it is an intriguing picture of government agency as frazzled working housewife…
Monday, August 30, 2004
Tuesday, August 10, 2004
The 86-Year-Old Terrorist
I work in a financial services office. One of my bosses' elderly clients sent a $35 money order in to her account, and it was returned to us for the following reason: Per the USA Patriot Act the following monetary instruments are no longer accepted: Money Orders, Cashier checks, Traveler's Checks, and Bank Drafts.
Apparently she is going to have to pay $5 for a bank check, and then write a letter indicating where she got the money - was it from Social Security? A gift, perhaps? Is the icy wind which is raising the libertarian hairs on the back of my neck only felt by me?
It is fascinating to me that Republicans style themselves to be against government regulation when that is clearly not the case. I live in Illinois, where we may soon have a black male senator - Barack Obama. Now the Republicans in the state are fronting their own black man, Alan Keyes. The white guy in my office thinks that Keyes is very cool - you can stay Republican while at the same time feeling progressive by voting for a black man.
I turned to his official website to see how Mr. Keyes justifies running for senate in a state in which he has never lived. Instead of speaking authoritatively about how he would address any of the challenges which face Illinois, Mr. Keyes pretty much says that he is compelled to run because Obama is a baby-killer. The following link is to Mr. Keyes' coyly sickening announcement speech: http://www.renewamerica.us/archives/speeches/04_08_08illinois_announce.htm
I'm so glad that the Republicans are here to protect us from alleged Democratic baby-killers and octogenarian money-launderers. Knowing that I can count on them, I feel my personal threat level moving from Code Magenta all the way down to the warm and fuzzy Code Goldenrod.
Apparently she is going to have to pay $5 for a bank check, and then write a letter indicating where she got the money - was it from Social Security? A gift, perhaps? Is the icy wind which is raising the libertarian hairs on the back of my neck only felt by me?
It is fascinating to me that Republicans style themselves to be against government regulation when that is clearly not the case. I live in Illinois, where we may soon have a black male senator - Barack Obama. Now the Republicans in the state are fronting their own black man, Alan Keyes. The white guy in my office thinks that Keyes is very cool - you can stay Republican while at the same time feeling progressive by voting for a black man.
I turned to his official website to see how Mr. Keyes justifies running for senate in a state in which he has never lived. Instead of speaking authoritatively about how he would address any of the challenges which face Illinois, Mr. Keyes pretty much says that he is compelled to run because Obama is a baby-killer. The following link is to Mr. Keyes' coyly sickening announcement speech: http://www.renewamerica.us/archives/speeches/04_08_08illinois_announce.htm
I'm so glad that the Republicans are here to protect us from alleged Democratic baby-killers and octogenarian money-launderers. Knowing that I can count on them, I feel my personal threat level moving from Code Magenta all the way down to the warm and fuzzy Code Goldenrod.
Friday, August 06, 2004
Accidental Poetry
About two years ago I suddenly began hiccuping poetry. The following is my first poem, written for the brilliant but hygiene-challenged English English professor for whom I pined in my twenties.
Love Stinks
My nose is lonely for your scent;
if you had washed more often, I probably
wouldn’t miss you at all.
Love Stinks
My nose is lonely for your scent;
if you had washed more often, I probably
wouldn’t miss you at all.
The Salt Mines
Well, friends, I have needed to do something in order to express myself. I was unemployed for about a year, and I started a new job in the middle of July.
I am alone in an office where everyone has quit, and apparently it is my job to recruit their replacements. I have a 27-year-old assistant who resents me, sabotages my work, and laughs long and hard whenever I make a mistake; a remote manager who has never provided any training but who calls me periodically to yell at me for forgetting to do things that I was never told to do; and an on-site manager who hates my remote boss so much that he orders me to do the opposite of everything my boss tells me to do. These guys can't even agree on when my workday starts - remote guy says 8 a.m., onsite guy doesn't want me there until 9.
It is now the middle of August. My stomach always hurts, my right eye has begun to twitch, and I periodically distress my children by bursting into tears. Whether or not anyone reads these postings, I hope that they will serve as a safety valve until I figure a way out of this mess.
I am alone in an office where everyone has quit, and apparently it is my job to recruit their replacements. I have a 27-year-old assistant who resents me, sabotages my work, and laughs long and hard whenever I make a mistake; a remote manager who has never provided any training but who calls me periodically to yell at me for forgetting to do things that I was never told to do; and an on-site manager who hates my remote boss so much that he orders me to do the opposite of everything my boss tells me to do. These guys can't even agree on when my workday starts - remote guy says 8 a.m., onsite guy doesn't want me there until 9.
It is now the middle of August. My stomach always hurts, my right eye has begun to twitch, and I periodically distress my children by bursting into tears. Whether or not anyone reads these postings, I hope that they will serve as a safety valve until I figure a way out of this mess.
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